Being a Dominant to a First Time Submissive

"Don't push her to the limits"

“Don’t push her to the limits”


While a lot of Dominants out there really get into the idea of training a submissive that just doesn’t know what they’re doing in the sack, a lot of others are–understandably so–nervous about the whole situation. If you’re hooking up with a submissive that’s jumping into the BDSM scene for the first time, there’s a lot of responsibility resting on your shoulders. While they should have done research themselves, it’s up to you to make sure that everything stays in check and safe, and that’s why there’s a lot of responsibility that you need to take on.

Safe Words

Safe words are obviously a must in any BDSM scenario, but you’d be shocked to see how many first-time submissives have no idea about them. Truthfully, this makes us shudder. There are a lot of subs out there nowadays that just have no idea about safe words, and when hearing about them, they just laugh. They insist that they don’t need them, which is a blatant lie, and that’s when you need to insist on them using a safe word.

Talk About Scenarios

Once you’ve got the safe word down, you need to start talking about scenarios with them. They’ve probably got some fantasies in mind, but it’s all a matter of narrowing them down to a reality. Do they want you to use whips? What kind? Do they want to just be spanked? Do they want to be tied up, and how? These are the kinds of things that need to be discussed, as well as any scenes that they really want. If they’re into consent play or any other kind of roleplay, that’s important to bring up, too.

Hard and Soft Limits

Your submissive might not even realize that they have hard and soft limits if they’ve never done this before, but there are a lot of checklists that can be found online. Ask them about certain things, and if they aren’t sure, then it’s wise to say it’s a soft limit for now. If they outright don’t want to do something, then obviously, that’s a hard limit that should definitely be remembered and noted down. Do this before your scenario starts, and you’ll avoid running into a lot of issues.

Don’t Be Afraid to Stop

"Always stop when she is uncomfortable"

“Always stop when she is uncomfortable”


Even if a safe word isn’t being used, you shouldn’t be afraid to stop if necessary. If your submissive is obviously trying to take on too much at once, you should, at the very least, slow down. It’s up to you as an experienced Dominant to be able to judge their responses, and know when too much is way too much.

It can be really daunting to be with a first time submissive. This is why it’s up to you to watch the pacing, to take your time, and to teach them without going too far at once. Good luck, and have fun no matter what.

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