When you meet a woman who really makes you feel something it’s hard to put the brakes on when you need to. She’s wonderful, you have awesome sex, and she is the perfect girlfriend. As guys we don’t often get a chance to talk about our feelings or even show that we have any besides moderately happy, bored, and pissed. But when you’re taking advantage of the one time you get to be stoked about being with another person you might go a little too far. New couples are notoriously fast moving and you’ve got to be ready to set boundaries before you get in too deep.
When you are feeling out the boundaries for your relationship the best way to do it is to just be direct. Tell her that you don’t want her to hang out with guys alone, even if they’re already her friends. It might sound really unforgiving, but saying what you’re thinking is way better than beating around the bush. Direct conversation leaves no error on anyone’s part (“I didn’t know THAT’S what you meant”). Plus it will end up strengthening your communication.
Put Yourself First
Even though you’re in a relationship it’s not up to you to completely take care of the other person. If she wants to do something that won’t be helpful to you (swinging with other couples, going out every Saturday, or being able to dance with other guys) then don’t do it. She might call you selfish, but you are the only person that will be there for yourself throughout your whole life. Besides self-preservation, putting yourself first keeps you happy. The happier you are the better you can do to make her happy. If everyone was just a little bit selfish for a minute then we’d be able to get our heads out of our own asses long enough to think about others.
When you’re first setting up boundaries for your relationship it might be hard. You may not have done this before or you’re so enamored with her that you aren’t seeing clearly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with bringing in outside help. They can ask unbiased questions that will get to the bottom of what the both of you want from this.
Start Small and Build
At first you might not have a ton of issues that you want to address or future scenarios that will need dealing with. That’s fine. Just set up the basics. What is cheating? When should you say something if it’s bothering you? Is it alright to go to bars alone? Whatever you think might bother you should be brought up.
Write It All Down
When you’re trying to come up with all of this and have a list going write it down. You’re not making an agreement or anything but it’s going to be so much easier to remember and revise everything if you’ve got a hard copy of it. Keep it in a place you can both find.